I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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