I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
