My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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