I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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