How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
false alarm, still single
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
