when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
