Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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