So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
