A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
