i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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