The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
