K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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