you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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