oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
