I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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