Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
