HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
