I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have tasted many bathrooms
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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