Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
