i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
