I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
