Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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