I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
