we're chasing vodka with high fives
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
