I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
