i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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