I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
