What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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