The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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