I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
