i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
