Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
