life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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