this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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