I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So. Much. Porn.
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