I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
