I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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