Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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