I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
