i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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