I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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