He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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