Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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