took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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