so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
