What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Too much gin, very little bucket
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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