I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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