lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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