I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
