This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
