she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
