That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
