Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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