the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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